Hospital

I believe I've blogged it before I don't remember, but my grandpa lives in Maryland which is super far away from Texas and he's got pulmonary fibrosis (look that up if you don't know I don't want to explain) and he needs a lung transplant. We'd been waiting forever for him to maybe get put on the list and finally he was. Then we were waiting for him and my grandma to get a phone call saying that they had a lung. Then they'd have to drive for two hours to reach the hospital.

9:00 this morning: I wake up to a phone ringing and then my mother is sobbing. So, I pratically fall out of bed and my grandma (who lives with us) says "they got a lung" so I run in my mom's room and do the most uncharacteristic-Allison-thing ever. I start sobbing.

10:00 All has calmed down a bit, mum and dad have been looking online at air-flight prices and then mum comes in my room and I ask, point blank, "What am I supposed to feel?" I just don't know what to feel right now. So she answers, "Happy. You're happy. You're happy because this is the only chance he's got. If he doesn't get this surgery he dies a slow painful....if he gets the surgery he dies anyway, but he could die during the surgery, he could die after the surgery. You are happy, because this is the only chance he's got." And so I nodded and she said, "We're going to the grocery store if you want to come,"

12:23 we just got a phone call from my uncle who lives up near the hospital. He's been frantically trying to get his house together so they can stay there when the hospital releases him. They will have the lung (or lungs, no one really knows) to the hospital at 2 o'clock eastern time which is 1 o'clock where I live. My grandpa's in the OR right now and they are preping him for surgery so they can be ready when the lung gets there. I guess they know for sure it's a match, I don't know.

So, yeah, just wanted to get that out of my system. My mom's been doing stuff all day to keep herself busy, but I've been just kind of floating around. I've found I have the ability to push bad stuff away and just not think about it until I'm ready to face it. Like, right now, a normal person would be sobbing, but I'm not thinking about him or the surgery or the fact that I didn't get on the webcam with them last night to show them my new dress or the fact that I wish I had because I didn't know last night that all this would happen today...I'm just pulling things from the back of my head and not letting them up front.

Until later

--Piddle